Just so.

I am just so tired.

Physically, emotionally and mentally drained. Like.. if you are going to poke a hole on my skin right now, I doubt there’d be blood that would flow out. If any, you’ll see the last shreds of my soul evaporate into thin air.

I need a 72-hour sleep. Halp.


Cover Your Ass

During my first few months at my current job, I often hear people saying “CYA” about almost everything – which basically means “Cover your ass” (pardon the language – no, actually, pardon my personality lol). And tbqh, that’s a shitty piece of advice.. 

.. well, at first.

I used to think that in order for a team to be successful in what they do, they have to be motivated – which is easily achievable if there is a good mixture of cooperation, bond and respect between the people involved. But, like, really? CYA? Did they really believe that encouraging people to, in a way, pass on the blame will inspire teamwork? Can CYA turn failure into success, in worst case scenarios? A quick answer would be a resounding “no”, especially if you’re new to the concept.

Being the human mess that is me, the CYA approach somewhat goes against my ideals. I have always valued good bond between people over things that can be quantified (eg. money, ratings, etc). For me, it is more important to have the same goals and be in harmony with other people than always watching for my back because someone might just stab me.

But then, as I spent more time working on projects with new and old colleagues alike, I have learned that thr CYA rule is not really that bad.

For starters, it encourages communication between the people involved. It basically means you need to make sure that you are on the same page as the others, and that you understand what is expected of you. It encourages people to raise concerns to the people who can handle them and to be mindful of the goals of the project because it’s what everyone aims for.

Aside from that, it also encourages people to take responsibility of their own work. It’s like making sure that you are wiping your own ass. It requires people to step up and own up their roles and deliverables, and to ensure that loopholes are all patched up.

Ultimately, once a team goal has been set, everyone is expected to contribute their hundred percent – and strangely, the CYA approach ensures such is the case.

Other than that, I realised that whether or not the CYA rule is right on the money really depends on how you view your work and how much relationship and trust you have for your team mates in the first place. The CYA approach, strangely, tells every member to watch their own backs, but at the same time, to watch out for the others in the event that they miss something.

And you know what, I want to be on the brighter side of the coin, so I’ll stick to the latter point of view.

Happy almost-Friday! (In the timezone that I am in, at least.)

Look around, Look around

Prior to writing this post, I was doing a bit of stalking over.. myself. Yes, call it a former-brand-reputation-manager thing (that has not faded even though I’m through that shit for four years already, apparently) – but really, it’s just something I got used to doing whenever I am bored (which makes up 60% of my existence).

And you know what? I find it.. funny. I have this old blog that basically sums up my entire existential crisis phase, circa 2012-13, and tbh*, reading it is like reading another person’s blog. It was sooooo interesting (but I am probably just biased haha) and soooo different. Like, really, if you want proof that I was once an emo who blogs about walking down the boulevard of broken dreams that has once been my life, just head over here. But if I ever find out you laughed while reading through it, I’ll skin you alive. 😈

Tbrh**, I felt a bit of nostalgia because it reminded me how far I have come in life and how old I am now. Here’s a bit of comparison of my then-character on my old blog versus the me that is writing this post (who may or may not be just pretending to be different from the 2012-me, you’ll never know though lol):

It wasn’t me (Shaggy voice) cuz:

  • I no longer talk about dying, at least out loud
  • Because really, now that I am already older, death is something that makes me feel scared;
  • I feel like the world loves me now, even though I am undeniably a shitty waste of mass;
  • I rarely talk to myself now – or I just no longer have the luxury of time to update my blog;

Still the one:

  • No legit accomplishments based on my past goals just yet
  • I am still a shitty waste of space, always have been and will be
  • I am still fond of using parenthesis
  • I still love coffee

But just like what Hamilton said, “There’s a million things I haven’t done – but just you wait..”

*to be honest

**to be really honest (I know, I know, my generation scmucks – you’re still not cool though lol 😛 jk)